Let's CUT the Faff, did I hear you say?

Let's talk about the games mediapeopl e play. With each other, no less. We share a love-hate relationship with each other. when it's time for a drink, there's no better place than the Press Club and its discounted liquor, and when it's time for a screw, it's a no-holds barred contest.

The funny thing is, it's so no-holds barred, you feel like laughing.

Cut to Scene One: Busy press conference, where Mr BigWig is hurrying away, followed by a swarm of cameras and reporters. It is an unwritten rule among TV journalists that in such circumstances, when the BigWig is giving bytes, all the cameras will face him from the front, and the person asking the question will also be there - in front. That's when Mr Extraordinaire from N*** comes from the left and asks his dumb question, and BigWig turns thereon! Everyone else curses and mutters, because then they realise that the N*** cameraperson had slunk away to the left earlier, in a preplanned move, and is the only one getting frontal pictures of BigWig yapping, while the rest have a shitty profile.

Cut to Scene Two: A big cement company has just declared its results in a fancy press-con, and bytes are being taken all around. Finally, it is our turn. Now, I'm not really in this beat, but since I was in the neighbourhood, decided to tag along. My colleauge sits with Porky Lech, the MD of the company, who never takes his eyes off her boobs while answering her questions about operating profit margins. After he goes, she gets Beanstalk, the CFO of the company, to talk to her. Meanwhile, high-flying Diva Bitch from C*** walks over to Porky Lech, takes his hands in hers, clasps them tight, presses them against her heaving bosom, and says raucously that C*** and Big Cement Company share such excellent ties, that next quarter they must get exclusive info prior to the normal media release. As if this weren't bad enough, Diva Bitch's l'amour provokes Porky Lech into raucous laughter of his own, whereupon he starts guffawing like a pig in a barn full of fodder - HAWHAWHAW! You can imagine what happened to the soundbyte my colleague was taking.

I swear: I saw that damn sly vixen Diva Bitch actually steal a smirk in our direction.